Frankenstein, Reimagined

They gathered round the windmill, pitchforks and torches filled their violent hands. There was a palpable feeling of fear to the fog and smoke-filled air as they shouted their demands.

“Send him out!”

“We know he’s in there!”

“If you don’t, we’ll burn you out!”

Their words had fallen on deaf ears. No once did anybody answer them.

Soon someone began splashing kerosene on the single door leading into the building. That was quickly followed by a fiery torch.

Not one of the villagers dared to imagine that Dr. Victor Frankenstein had taught his monster how to use the Swivel-gun.

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In 2020 we’re gonna have lots of puns and jokes about ‘vision.’ I can see it clearly.

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Sex: Work or Play

A a newly married man wonders if having sex on Good Friday is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. He asks a priest for his opinion on this question.

The priest says after consulting the Bible, “My son, after an exhaustive search I am positive sex is work and is not permitted on Good Friday.”

“The man thinks: “What does a priest know about sex?””

He goes to minister…a married man…for the answer and receives the same reply. “Sex is work and not for Good Friday!”

Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out a Rabbi. The Rabbi ponders the question and states, “My son — sex is definitely play.”

The man replies, “But Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?”

The Rabbi softly speaks, “If sex were work — my wife would have the maid do it.”

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Don’t worry, the Mueller Report is available as a coloring book for Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.

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The Runaway

Our lab bolted under the garage door as it opened. In seconds he was heading his usual direction of west, up the street.

“Shit,” I complain, “Forgot to put the dog-door down.”

He and I have had this interaction before. He escapes, I chase and each time I chastise him, explaining why he should not run away or cross the busy street and every time he fails to listen.

So once again, I find myself walking in the direction he ran, calling, “Here Yaeger!”

Damned dog! One day I’m simply gonna pack his bags and set them at the curb.

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You never know what I might have up my sleeve. For example — today it was a dryer-sheet.

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When testing the waters — it’s best to know how to swim.

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