A mathematician celebrates 4/20 on 1/5 because he knows how to do fractions.

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Do like Jesus, if you can’t turn the tables, flip them over instead.

She danced like nobody was watching, and once they weren’t watching, she left her date, a guy she couldn’t stand and went home to her husband.

An App for That

While I’m used to my night terrors, having a good old-fashioned nightmare is rare and even more unusual is the occasional bad dream. This bad dream began as a stress-test of sorts as I was unable to take a shower ahead of an important gathering.

Then…

“Eighty-eight and 89 are problem children,” said the unrecognizable man, “She had to leave to go take care of them.”

“What do you mean leave?” I asked.

“She left and is driving back to take care of the problem,” he explained,“You can stay with us and we’ll drive you back.”

Instantly angry, I growled, “The hell you say!”

With that, I dug my cellphone from my pocket and started dialing as I walked quickly towards the exit of what had now become the front-end of a very busy casino. I took the transformation in stride as the man I’d been speaking with continued to call after me, trying to get me to slow down or stop.

The cellphone gave off a busy signal. I tried again with the same results; then a third time only to realize I was dialing my number.

Even more frustrated, I finally dialed my wife’s number. It rang twice, she picked up and without giving her a chance to even say ‘hello,’ I demanded “You get your skinny, little ass back here this minute. You ain’t leaving me behind like…”

She banged down the phone as she hung up on me. The intermittent signal of a busy line followed.

Then I snapped awake to the buzz-buzz-buzz of my bedside alarm sounding-off. It took me a few seconds to focus as I fumbled to switch the damned thing off.

Then I had to laugh…

Cellphones no longer emit a ‘busy signal,’ especially one that sounds like those that I grew up hearing when all phones were both stationary and rotary. Furthermore, you’re no longer able to slam the receiver on the phone cradle like we could when younger, unless there’s an app for that.

They don’t, do they?

I watched the video of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez dancing. The last time I saw a Commie dance, it was Jane Fonda’s exercise video in 1982.

It’s a proven fact that having sex on a regular basis helps improve the memory. Hope everyone has a wonderful 2009.

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