People who confuse ‘burro’ with ‘burrow’ don’t know their ass from a hole-in-the-ground.

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True friends are the one’s who’ll laugh during your eulogy because they know how the story really happened.

When Being Helpful Isn’t

The Communists took over and decided to execute their political rivals using the guillotine.

The Constitutionalist came first. When the Executioner released the rope, the blade refused to budge. He declared it a miracle and let the prisoner walk free.

Next came the Capitalist. When the Executioner released the rope, the blade moved only half way down. Again, he declared it a miracle, and the him go.

Finally came time for the Democrat to be executed. While being readied, he looked at the Executioner and said, “If you put a little machine oil in the blade’s tracks, it’ll work better.”